Fictional story of a gunfighter’s prayer, he’s tired of killing, he sees no way out, so he calls out to God and in some ways will be glad when he faces the guy faster with a gun than him!
Lord I want to try and pray, my mother taught me how many years ago.
I doubt You care to hear from a killer, but I don’t care much for myself either, just so You know. Lord, I never wanted from the beginning to be a killer, I never notch my gun for a man killed, but in my mind each one etched to my memory like a scar never to forget! I have a quick hand yet to be matched, like lightning my gun from the holster. I’m not happy ever killing any man, because of the heartache of each ones family…each had kin, maybe a father, mother, maybe a sister, brother…Lord many even had children ….God what have I done??
I don’t feel good about the many men I’ve killed, Lord I’ve never felt to bolster.
Many I’ve killed, I tried to get them to lay down their gun…walk away, most not as old as my youngest brother!
Now I have men trying to find me, just to see if they can shoot me before I kill them…still a sin.
Even now it’s getting to where I’m old enough to be the father of many a chance given to each to walk away, but a lot of them just farm boys..shooting, thinking they’re faster than me. In their mind, they’re thinking if they kill me, then they would be the center of attention, they would get the people’s praise, pats on the shoulder and they would also be the fear of every man.
What they don’t understand is that I hardly have any true friends, many would shoot me in a moment..not caring!!
All they see is me in the street, a gun pulled and fired so fast, all they see is a puff of smoke and a man bleeding on the ground dying on the other side of the street. What they don’t know is you get a cold and calloused heart and don’t trust any one and yes many would like to shoot me…if even in the back…so they can claim an unjustly truth of killing a man with a fast hand.
Lord, you know each time I’ve shot a man, as he was falling to the ground…I watched all his hopes, all his dreams for life…fade in his eyes as he was falling to the ground , one of the most sad things to see! Lord also, people are funny, they call me a no good killer…which I am, I won’t deny, but these same people will step over a dying man…some of them step on him, just to give me praise and buy me a drink. I’m watching this man’s life slipping out of his body at a rapid rate and no one picks up his face out of the dirt, and gives him a few seconds of solace. Lord, do I have more of a conscience than they? I doubt it, but if you ask me Lord, they’re about in the same boat as me…seems they like ‘killin’ more than me! No one prays for his dying soul, yes Lord I know…I know I’m the reason he’s lying there in the first place!!
Lord, for me, I stopped loving this gun a long time ago, I hate this gun, I hate myself for every man I’ve killed, but I feel for my life’s sake I can’t lay it down. Lord that’s why I’m praying now..for your help, maybe I should throw this gun as far as I can throw it, then someone kill me and claim to have out-gunned me. Lord God above have mercy on my soul. I’m so weary of carrying this gun, I’m tired of waking up at night and seeing the faces of those I’ve killed…Lord I’m just tired of killing!
Lord, I’ve said a lot, my eyes with tears, I’m running like a renegade, not because the law is after me…I’m running from another gunfight, I don’t want to kill anymore young men, Lord I don’t want to kill anymore Son’s or any more fathers..!!
Lord I don’t want to be a killer I don’t want to be a sinner, please take this gun from around my soul, please take the weight of the souls I’ve killed off my heart and let me rest and have peace…forgive me Jesus..if possible! I know that there will be a day when I’ll face a gunfighter who is calm, he’ll watch me go for my gun…to him I’ll look as if I’m in slow motion and with the blink of an eye, I’ll feel the sting of his bullet go deep in my chest, and as I go down..he’ll see a gunfighter that’s finally found peace and as the people coral to get to him…me lying on the ground rapidly dying…I think if I’m able, I’ll smile with my face in the dirt as I die..he can carry the title fastest gunfighter. The weight of that gun and all the dead souls he has killed can rest on his heart…I’ll finally have relief. Lord forgive me of my trespasses…Amen!!!